Roger Greenwood

Roger, who is sadly no longer with us, had an influence on my life in a way which might not always be regarded as beneficial. Nevertheless, it was an influence that was to have a lasting effect upon me.

Roger was a year older than I at elementary school and went before me to High School, we were also both in the church choir and we became friends. We’d play together and I’d sometimes go to visit him at home. Sometimes, however, his mother would say that he couldn’t come out to play. At first I would think this was becasue he had been naughty though Roger was not a naughty child normally. In fact, the reason that his mother would not let him out to play was that Roger was unwell.

Roger was born with a heart condition; what we called in those days ‘a hole in the heart’. This meant, that he would often lack energy and too much exercise could be fatal for him. It was at times like these that his mother would keep him in at home to make sure he did not exert himself too much.

It was known by all his friends that he had this condition but, I guess, none of usreally knew how serious it was or how much it affected him. There were times when he could come out to play and he would be great fun to play with. There were other times when he could not play and we all had to accept this.

Thenone day, when I was about 12, Roger died. It is probably true to say that all his family and his friends found it hard to come to terms with his death. I was certainly no different to anyone else and his death had an effect upon me.

What his death taught me is that people, even friends, do not remain forever. This can hurt emotionally and a way of avoiding this hurt is not to get too close to your friends. By remaining a bit distant it is a bit easier to pick up your life once more when your friends cease being friends.

This was the influence that Roger had upon my life. As you can see, it may not be regarded as a positive influence. It was to have a lasting effect upon me and affected most of my later friendships and relationships.

Sure, it stood me in good stead when my friends did cease to be friends or when a relationship ended. However, the problem was that by keeping a bit of distance between myself and my friends, it put a strain upon that friendship and that was part of the reason for the friendships ending. The same was very much true of relationships; you cannot enter a relationship while still holding part of yourself back!

I cannot say that it was easy to get over the influence that Roger had over my life but the first step was to realise that the effect existed. Once that was done, I could tackle and change my attitude. I still have fond memories of Roger as a good friend.