Roger, who is sadly no longer with us, had an influence on my life in a way which might not always be regarded as beneficial. Nevertheless, it was an influence that was to have a lasting effect upon me.

Roger was a year older than I at elementary school and went before me to High School, we were also both in the church choir and we became friends. We’d play together and I’d sometimes go to visit him at home. Sometimes, however, his mother would say that he couldn’t come out to play. At first I would think this was becasue he had been naughty though Roger was not a naughty child normally. In fact, the reason that his mother would not let him out to play was that Roger was unwell.

Roger was born with a heart condition; what we called in those days ‘a hole in the heart’. This meant, that he would often lack energy and too much exercise could be fatal for him. It was at times like these that his mother would keep him in at home to make sure he did not exert himself too much.

It was known by all his friends that he had this condition but, I guess, none of usreally knew how serious it was or how much it affected him. There were times when he could come out to play and he would be great fun to play with. There were other times when he could not play and we all had to accept this.

Thenone day, when I was about 12, Roger died. It is probably true to say that all his family and his friends found it hard to come to terms with his death. I was certainly no different to anyone else and his death had an effect upon me.

What his death taught me is that people, even friends, do not remain forever. This can hurt emotionally and a way of avoiding this hurt is not to get too close to your friends. By remaining a bit distant it is a bit easier to pick up your life once more when your friends cease being friends.

This was the influence that Roger had upon my life. As you can see, it may not be regarded as a positive influence. It was to have a lasting effect upon me and affected most of my later friendships and relationships.

Sure, it stood me in good stead when my friends did cease to be friends or when a relationship ended. However, the problem was that by keeping a bit of distance between myself and my friends, it put a strain upon that friendship and that was part of the reason for the friendships ending. The same was very much true of relationships; you cannot enter a relationship while still holding part of yourself back!

I cannot say that it was easy to get over the influence that Roger had over my life but the first step was to realise that the effect existed. Once that was done, I could tackle and change my attitude. I still have fond memories of Roger as a good friend.

Sadly, my paternal grandmother is no longer alive. Indeed, she was old even when I knew her, so I did not have as long as other people to get to know her (my younger brother had even less time). Nevertheless, she did have an influence on my life at an early age.

The incident that really encapsulates the influence my grandmother had occurred when I was in my mid teens. I had at that time, started writing poetry. I had even gone as far as to have some of my poems published. I recall my father and I visiting my grandmother and showing her the book with my poems in.

It was not clear or not whether she liked the poems but that was not the point (though I would have liked her to). It was her response that was to become an influence on my life. After having the poems read to her, her eyesight was perhaps not up to reading the print, her simple response was;

“Thank goodness one of us has enough sense to do something with their life.”

Although I have not gone on to write much poetry since, that response has stayed with me. It has been a remonder to me and a driver for me to try to achieve something in life;- a legacy or a body of work that could be of use to other people.

Some of the peope are very much alive and well and it will be no surprise to see them included, other are sdaly no longer with us. Some of the people I have never even met but they have had an influence on my life either through their words or their work.

I will not give away who those people are, you will just have to wait and see.

Just announced on the betterperson website is the availability of 2009 diaries to help you achieve your goals or vision.

The diaries, available through Amazon.co.uk, allow you to record your goals and monitor your progress toward achieving them.

I’d strongly suggest you pop over to abetterperson.com blog and place an order for yours now…just in time for Christmas and those New year resolutions!

Vision Life Diary 2009

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There is another great post on the Pick the Brain website, I’m really becoming a fan of this site. This post is about th at old chestnut, limiting beliefs, and is entitled, How to Beat the Plague of Limiting Beliefs. I guess most of us know what limiting beliefs are, though we may still need help in identifying our own and even more help in overcoming them. This post reminds us, quite rightly that all our limiting beliefs are imaginary …

As I said, most of us will need some support and guidance in helping us to overcome our limiting beliefs. This article gives us some tips and advice in doing just that.

It starts by reminding us that our limiting beliefs are in our mind, that is to say that they are imaginary and that there is often no physical reason to hold us back. Once this is accepted and realised, it is easier for a person to overcome their limiting beliefs.

Our limiting beliefs are not something we were born with; we have learned them from somewhere. If we are able to recognise where we have learned them and then to question them, we can start to overcome them. Your beliefs may have come from your parents, your school, your friends or from the society/neighborhood in which you live but, ask yourself, do you always have to accept what they told you?

Inside you, you may feel that something is right but your mind may be telling you ‘no’. Sometimes the mind says ‘no’ for a good reason but sometimes it just says ‘no’ because it is controlled by a limiting belief. Whereas your ‘heart’ does not have such beliefs and may often urge you forward … there are times when you should folow your heart.

The article does come up with an interesting concept; that of temporary suspension of limiting beliefs. You may want to remove all your limiting beliefs and that is a great goal but it is one that will certainly take some time. It may well take some time to permanently remove just one belief. Yet, you do not always have that time, so why not just temporarirly suspend that belief and act as if it did not exist within you? You could try this by practising a new skill, by visualizing life without the belief, or by just ignoring the belief and moving forward.

In all this is a great article on tackling limiting beliefs and I recommend it to anyone.

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I only recently stumbled across this site and this article in particular which list 100 sites that inspire you to becoming a better person. The list is truly awsome and anyone would be well advised to check out these sites regularly.

The article starts by listing the top 10 sites which, it claims, are ‘must read’ sites and I’d tend to agree with their choice.

Then it goes on to cite sites that will help you;

• achieve your dreams or goals
• work better or be more productive
• motivation and personal development
• Being happy or finding happiness
• giving back or making a contributio to society or the world
• spiritual awareness
• simplicity, downshifting or simplifying life
• financial planning
• healthy mind
• and, a healthy body

Like I said, the site is well worth a visit. The article will undoubtedly list sites you already know and visit but it is also likely to point you to new sites you did not know existed.

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Many of us will have heard of the phrase ‘turn a crisis into an opportunity’ but hopefully many of us will not have had to discover what it meant. For myself, I discovered meaning of the phrase when I found myself suddenly out of work. That was my ‘crisis’ and yet I kept telling myself that this was also an ‘opportunity’ but an opportunity for what?

For me, that opportunity was the chance to explore new avenues of work and to take my experience to a wider audience. be

Should you, and I do not wish this upon anyone, find yourself in a similar crisis, it may not easily clear what ‘opportunity’ is open to you. A new article on the Pick the Brain website, entitled How to Turn Crisis into Opportunity offers you some insight and tips into finding opportunity in crisis, particularly the current financial crisis.

According to the article, the current crisis could be an opportunity to take advantage of unfounded pessimism, take advantage of low competition and, my favorite, reassess your life plan. The article offers some interesting ideas and insights but don’t just take my word for it …

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The article is entitled 7 Keys to Turning Bad habits into Good habitsand it is well worth a read if you want to replace one of your bad habits.

The secret to the approach is, apparently, to identify what causes, or triggers, you bad habit and then to identify a positive habit you can do instead of the bad one. Then you need to practise the new habit while avoiding any situations that you know may be likely to bring on the bad habit.

Get someone to help or support you and remember to stay positive. It is always a good idea to get people to help you when creating changes to your self or your life, they can be there to encourage and support you in changing. Positive thinking is also important as thinking positive thoughts can help you get through times when it seems hard to continue.

Do not just take my word for it, do pop over to the Zen Habits website and read the article in more depth for yourself. You’ll find it very useful if you want to stop any of your bad habits.

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The article points out what it considers 3 keys to happiness in life. These questions I pose here are based directly upon those 3 keys;

If you are looking for happiness in your life;

1. Do you have something to do? A Job, a hobby, a sport, a pastime or maybe a life purpose.
2. Do you have something to love? A partner, family, friends or maybe your job or social cause.
3. Do you have something to hope for? Dreams, goals or ambitions that you are actively striving toward.

Finally, the original article presents us with a quote, I don’t know from where, that is very apt;

The only difference between a rut and a grave is six feet.

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In all this is almost an inspiring article that I’d recommend to everyone, especially if you are planning a big day for yourself.

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